Nothing to Lose
by RoxyFoxy
Summary: .. Kagome keep in mind all I ever did was care for you…You may be an angel but this is the time where you failed to save me….”


_Need more friends with wings……_

Kagome. What ever happened to you? You use to be a kind hearted person who cared about everyone. I'm not a liar..I know you believe that too. You can't just expect me to wear a smile on my face everyday like everyone else does.. because I'm not everyone else. I'm not happy and you expect me to be. I'm not going to put on a fake smile either. It's not my fault I'm like this. Instead of blaming my father all you do is blame me. Blame me for being upset because my father mentally abuses me, and my mother died a couple of years ago. Kagome your not an angel anymore. I take back all those words I said about you. I'm sorry Kagome I can't be so perfect, happy and fake like you. You can't expect me to place a smile on my face and be alright. That was never like you before, ever. Blame everything on me, because you can….

_All the angels I know  
Put concrete in my veins_

Kikyo. Never had you ever let me down. You always saved me when I needed to be. Now you couldn't care less. I'm like your yesterday.. I mean nothing to you now. Saying you loved me and cared for me and always be there for me. But where are you when I need you the most? Your gone. Ever since you accident you've become hateful and you hate my guts completely when all I did was cared about you. Why would you think I'd try to kill you Kikyo, or even use you? One by one your all blaming me.. leaving me and giving me not choice, no happiness, no help either.

_I'd always walk home alone_

We always use to walk home together, always. Never was there a day I walked home alone. Until now. The laughter, the happiness walking down the street being with each other. There use to be you guys all beside me, but now it's just my feet hitting the sidewalk with the cold breeze comforting me. Everyday walking home lifelessly to rot in my room, and every other day to walk alone to school to get cold shoulders.

_So I became lifeless  
Just like my telephone_

Kagome Higurashi. The caller display always had your name on there. You always called me and we always talked for long hours trying to help me, save me, and comfort me. I loved hearing you sweet voice, and we never ran out of anything. We always had something to talk about. The phone use to ring and I'd always jump for it knowing you'd be calling asking me to do something with everyone. Now the phone is dead, just like I am.

_There's nothing to lose  
When no one knows your name_

It's better that no one knows my name. It's better that know one knows me anymore. They probably call me a liar and probably turn their backs and leave me to bleed. I feel so empty, so alone but maybe it's better off this way. Maybe it's better off no one knows me at all, and nobody will ever know who I am.

_There's nothing to gain  
But the days don't seem to change_

Nothing is getting better, and nothing could possibility get any worse than this. Worse than losing Kagome.. and worse than getting my heart ripped out and smashed into a million pieces. All the days are the same for me. Nothing exciting. Only going to school to feel my heart get ripped out again each time I see Kagome's face. It tears me apart to see her, or even her voice. She was all I had, and she's all that I've lost.

_Never played truth or dare_

Truth or dare…Use to be a stupid game everyone was in that I wasn't. I was always the one shoved away in the corner, in the background watching everyone smile and laugh. Truth or dare…The truth is I lost everything… and the dare…Is to gain everything back.

_I'd have to check my mirror  
To see if I'm still here_

It feels like I'm nothing. Just someone who's invisible. Nobody notices me anymore not even you. No matter what I say or do, no body takes notice. What the hell have I done to them?! Nothing…The only thing that reminds me I'm still here in my reflection…But sometimes my reflection doesn't say enough….

_My parents had no clue  
That I ate all my lunches  
Alone in the bathroom_

My parents were clueless. They didn't notice I was depressed, or that no one called for me anymore. There's no point eating in the café, nobody would even dare go near me or even pull a seat beside me. Kagome would just storm out and leave each time I was behind her or even in her sight. I never hurt her.. I always tried helping her and this is the thanks I get…being alone.. Never though what it felt like to be hurt, to be unhappy, and be a loner.. To feel your world fade into black and white.. totally misery.

I understood it would be better to just leave. I didn't want to hear what people said about me, they didn't really notice me anyways. Kagome didn't like me there so I understood it would be better if I went somewhere, where nobody could make me feel more alone than I already was. I just charged into the bathroom noticing it was empty and I could eat there without hearing those words that stabbed me, and her words that made my heart bleed…

_There's nothing to lose  
When no one knows your name  
There's nothing to gain  
But the days don't seem to change……_

_There's nothing to lose  
My notebook will explain  
There's nothing to gain  
And I can't fight the pain…_

Everyday is always the same. Come home and lay there wishing I could get everyone back into my life. I miss them, every single one of them. They don't understand how much this hurts. They wouldn't know.. they aren't in my shoes and never will be. Everyday I write down how I feel…everyday I come closer to realizing my life is worthless…I can't take anymore of it. Nothing is relieving the pain.. nothing ever will..

_Teachers said "it's just a phase_

_When I grow up my children  
Will probably do the same…._

_Kids just love to tease  
Who'd know it put me underground at seventeen  
At seventeen…….._

All I wish is to be back with you guys again. You don't understand what it's like to be alone.. and you never will. Students saying I should go cut myself and kill myself. They think it's all jokes and attention. But who knew..this would actually take me this far.. and who knew I'd lose all hope in everything… and all I knew my life was already ending before it ever began….

_There's nothing to lose  
When no one knows your name  
There's nothing to gain  
But the days don't seem to change……_

_There's nothing to lose  
My notebook will explain  
There's nothing to gain  
And I can't fight the pain……….._

Writing down one last thing… one final good-bye. " Kagome you use to be an angel.. you never understood how much you meant to me. Instead you've changed and I miss who you really were. I tried talking to you and fixing something I didn't start but that never worked. Kagome I love you…it won't change the fact how I hurt and bleed from being alone, and that won't change that fact that this is my final good-bye, and this is my final decision.. Kagome keep in mind all I ever did was care for you…You may be an angel but this is the time where you failed to save me…."

_There's nothing to lose  
When no one knows your name  
There's nothing to gain  
And I just died today……._

Author's Notes 

After I heard " Nothing to Lose" and watched the video, it reminded me of Inuyasha and how he is. I just imagined him being the one getting teased for the half demon thing and I just had to write it. I can't say I'm exactly good at songfics but I took a shot at it. I took a little of the song out of it, but nothing that will alter it. So please tell me what you think! R&R


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